author questions and answers

A conversation with
Shannon Kring Biró and Natalie Kring, authors of
Sister Salty, Sister Sweet:
A Memoir of Sibling Rivalry

Q: Many fiction books are based on real-life experiences. Sister Salty, Sister Sweet is a memoir. Why did you choose to use your real-life identity, when so many experiences may be difficult or embarrassing to share with the public?

My initial vision of the book was as fiction. I thought writing it as such would allow us more creative freedom, and I was afraid a memoir might offend too many people. The idea of writing about my difficult or embarrassing experiences didn't bother me so much as writing about those of others. That has been my greatest challenge: writing with sensitivity, but in such a way that doesn't sacrifice my integrity as a writer.

In September of 2004, I began writing — as fiction — what ended up being the second chapter of our book. About 15 pages into it, I decided to scrap it. Here I was, trying to come up with ways to fictionalize myself. I spent 18 years of my life doing that! It became more important to me than ever that my first non-cuisine book be something "real," something from the heart. I wasn't ready at that time, but I knew that one day, I'd be courageous enough to tell my story — all of it — without having to hide behind a character who just happened to be just like me. Of course, being me, I had to push this to the extreme, and in December 2005, when Natalie and I came up with the idea of writing about our sibling rivalry and sisterhood, I refused to do it in any other form than this. There were many times early on when Natalie tried to convince me to do Sister Salty, Sister Sweet as fiction, but ironically, toward the end of the book, it was I who was cringing at the truths Natalie was exposing, and encouraging me to expose. Natalie has said that from the start, I was much braver than she was, but I believe that not only is Natalie far more courageous than I thought she was, she is in many ways much more courageous than I, period. I never would have been so forthcoming in the last chapters of the book, if not for Natalie's insistence.

Q: Why was it important to write about topics such as an eating disorder, a sexual assault, and issues with self-esteem?

For more than 20 years, I battled eating disorders — which really meant that I was fighting myself on a level that goes far deeper than my always-perceived-as-a-bit-too-jiggly flesh. There was a time that I could not eat in front of my own family, much less cook and eat on national TV like I do now. I want readers to know two things: 1. That people ABSOLUTELY CAN overcome eating disorders, and 2. That there needn't be any shame associated with suffering from them. It's shame that feeds eating disorders, and secrets that feed shame. Along those same lines, I want females (and males!) of all ages to know that the shame all too many of us carry as a result of having been molested, assaulted, raped, or violated in any other way is not ours to bear. I am guessing that a lot of people who know me today will be shocked to learn about my eating disorders and sexual assault. Today, I am strong enough to say, good ! Writing about this period of my life was extremely difficult, but also liberating. I hope that my disclosure — particularly regarding the psychological causes and effects of eating disorders and sexual assault — inspires others to liberate themselves.

For me, it was important to show the secondary effects that eating disorders and sexual assault can have on the loved ones of their survivors. While I didn't know enough about Shannon's situation to understand what she was going through, I saw how it changed the entire family dynamic. The effect on me personally was that I became invisible; as Shannon was starving herself, I was starving for attention. I understand now that Shannon got most of the attention because she needed it, not because my parents cared about her more. Nonetheless, my self-esteem suffered for it, at a time when self-esteem, for most girls, is already lacking.

Q: What were some of the thoughts you had while reading the other's perspective on growing up?

At first, I thought Shannon 's chapters were a little too far-fetched and grandiose. I didn't think she was lying, but Shannon has always had a tendency to think big and do big, and that definitely comes across in her writing style. My style is more understated and concise. And of course, I didn't always agree with her perception of the way things happened. I soon realized that both of these perceived "flaws" greatly enhanced the telling of our story, and that neither of us was right or wrong. Our writings are simply our perceptions, and an objective onlooker would probably say the reality was somewhere in between.

I was shocked to learn that the things that I had felt guiltiest about — such as cracking Natalie in the jaw with one of Dad's 9 irons, then stuffing her in the coat closet so she wouldn't tattle — were either things she didn't remember at all, or things that were pretty far down on her list of grievances.

Q: Most memoirs aren't penned until later in life. You are both under 35 years old. Why did you feel now was an appropriate time to write a memoir?

I have lots of stories to tell, and I have never been an advocate for waiting for things.

Without Shannon 's nudging, I probably would have put it off for quite some time, or never finished it at all. Now, after having completed the book, I realize how important it was for me to do it now. I will always look back fondly on many of these memories, but others have been holding me back for years. Putting the book in other peoples' hands has allowed me to let go of my past and concentrate on the future. I am approaching my thirtieth birthday; it's time for me to grow up.

Q: You talk about living in a small town, but as young girls, did it feel like a small town? Were you aware of lifestyles different than your own?

People assume that I learned about lifestyles different than my own from television, but I swear I was born aware of lifestyles other than that in which I grew up! The only things I was watching at two and three years old were Sesame Street and Captain Kangaroo. I was four when I developed my penchant for 60 Minutes (and stolen peeks at Saturday Night Live), yet by then I was already hamming it up on make-believe television in a very un-Mr. Green Jeans-like manner. No one in my house owned a suitcase, and none had ever flown in an airplane, yet I was always "jetting off" somewhere or other, doing important things in important places with my little red suitcase. Maybe it was a glimpse of things to come, maybe it was "fate," maybe it was Gabby's craving for the good life, maybe it was my mother silently instilling in me that I was meant for a bigger life than what our small community could afford me. It could have been all of the above. I don't know. All I know is when Mr. Drummond arrived on the scene, I wanted those things a hell of a lot more.

I wasn't quite aware of just how small it was until outsiders pointed it out to me. (This often involved their commenting on how our radio stations and clothing styles were about five years behind theirs. What these people were doing in Brantwood, I don't know.) I knew I was often bored, but since I hadn't experienced anything else, I didn't know exactly what I was missing out on. I had seen local "hang-outs" — pizza parlors, video arcades and the like — on TV, and I was sometimes envious. When I complained about not having any fun, Mom would tell me to make fun. Having to do that, I now realize, has made me a more creative person, and it has taught me to value what I still think is the best entertainment of all — good conversation.

Q: How much do you resemble the young girls in your story today?

I like to think I resemble her less and less every day; however, at different stages of writing the book, I found myself regressing to the period that I was writing about. I went into the project with a sense of confidence, hope, and nostalgia. Once I began writing about my adolescence, I had to struggle not to slip into that self-loathing, resentful mindframe when I wasn't writing. I would think about the book, There is no way I can do this. No one cares about my life. Why did Shannon make me do this? Then I would have to remind myself, I am not that person anymore. No one is making me do anything. Writing Sister Salty, Sister Sweet has helped me identify which aspects of myself I need to work on, and to understand how I developed those characteristics in the first place. On the other hand, it has helped me to make peace with — even appreciate — some of the qualities I once saw as weaknesses. I have come to value being considerate and humble, instead of rejecting these traits. I am not the overly introverted pushover I once was, but I've accepted that I will probably never be as outgoing or assertive as Shannon. That is just my nature, and that's just fine.

My entire life, I have questioned what I am: A pauper or a princess? A megalomaniac or a martyr? A sinner or a saint? Today, thanks in large part to having written this book, I have embraced that I am all of the above. (I know, I know. This sounds very Breakfast Club ....) Strangely enough, in embracing all parts of myself — both the dark parts that I didn't particularly like, and the light ones that have at times been even more scary to me — I have come right back to where I started: as a little girl with big dreams.